So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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