Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
