I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
