i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
