How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
