so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
