My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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