It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
