as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
