Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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