All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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