I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
