so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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