Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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