I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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