Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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