We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
