I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Two words: blizzard sex
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
