Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hippo gnu deer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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