I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
