great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize