look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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