I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
