If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
