We won't sleep together?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Let's paint friendship bongs
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
