Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
