But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
