I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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