if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
