watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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