Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
