yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
