my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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