Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
