I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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