if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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