Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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