Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
