Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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