I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize