True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's rum buckets o'clock
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize