this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
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