are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My vagina just recognized that song.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
