high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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