I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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