its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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