dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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