Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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