I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
