Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize