im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I wish they made helmets for livers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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