i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
