Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize