the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
handjob tips. give me some.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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