You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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