woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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