operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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