id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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