Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
