well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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