all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
