We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
