thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
