it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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