If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
