Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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