it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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