do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
