please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
