either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
