who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
