guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
