Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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