So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
