U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
